One of her greatest fears is never finding a guy to love her for her. She’s going to be fifteen and this unknown haunts her. She’s fixated right now that the guys don’t see her as pretty or beautiful. They don’t see her humor. They don’t find her intriguing. She is still so young yet she’s so afraid of her future. I want her to let go of that fear and enjoy her youth.
Our conversations lately show vulnerability that I see in many young ladies. With Em it’s even deeper though. She feels so misunderstood by her peers and that she stands out for all the wrong reasons. While she is trying to focus on being young and just not worrying about the future, she has this innate fear of being alone in the future. So, even though she is trying to put it out of her mind it manages to creep back in.
She is only now starting to voice these conversations; the “what ifs” and the depth of that fear are just coming to the surface. She understands that she may have to wait longer than she thinks is “fair” but she’s afraid it’s because of her autism and anxiety. She’s afraid that who she is will chase away everyone from her life. She’s afraid she’ll have to settle for someone just to be loved.
It’s so hard to see this girl who is usually so strong be so vulnerable. When I think of all the potential situations she could face because of that vulnerability I want to protect her from all the heartaches and pain. Yet, I know the best way to do that is to continue to help her find her path. To teach her that she doesn’t need someone else to be happy or loved. That she doesn’t have to “settle” to be happy. We need to teach her to be happy with herself and know that when that guy comes along that is right for her; he will love her as she is.
Too often we see people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. Too often we hear of them settling. I want her to be happy. I want her to love and be loved. I want her to find the person who will love her and care for her and understand her. She’s not going to be easy to love, but are any of us when we put all of ourselves out there?
This is a message to everyone. The right person won’t try to change you. They will love you with all your flaws and imperfections. They will embrace you and love you as you are. They will cry with you. They will wipe away your tears. They will hug you and hold you when you are in pain or need support. They will laugh with you and make you laugh. They will be the one person that you find yourself smiling when you think about how they make you feel. They will make you feel special, even without trying. They will be there when you are at your worst and love you through it. And you’ll do the same for them.
I’m not ready for her to be so worried about all of this now. In the meantime, we’ll reassure her the best way we can. We’ll help her through this. Baby steps on her journey…