Emelie’s Struggle and a Mulligan

Aftermath of yesterdays actions led to a tough night for her. She always reflects back and thinks about situations like what happened at school on the first day. I let her come home, because I was home and she was exhibiting signs of a meltdown and on a day like that, a meltdown from sensory overload would have led to not being able to regroup until late in the afternoon.

She came home and decompressed for almost 5 hours for almost 3 hours of school. She was struggling. There is no doubt in her resource teacher, dad, brother or my mind. Even looking at those photos shows a side and comparisons that most people don’t realize. Em sort of does and she sort of doesn’t see it or know it.

But as she had time to think about it, she started second guessing her decision to want to come home. She’s afraid that she didn’t push herself hard enough and that she SHOULD have stayed. We spent the night reassuring her that tomorrow she can push herself harder. It’s not going to be easy but she CAN do it as long as she allows the adults around her to help her. It’s a new day. A clean slate and she can start over.

Sometimes she can’t communicate what’s going on or what is her fear and when that happens it’s usually because she’s in a spot where her brain is processing so much stuff around her she’s struggling to keep up with her brain. When that happens she is overwhelmed and frustrated as she finds it complicated to say what she means.

It helps that everyone told her that she’s alright and everyone has a day where they struggle. Hearing that people on and off the spectrum struggle in that environment sometimes really helped her regroup for today.

Her resource teacher and I quickly got on the same page with a few things that came up in minor conversations around the house. She’s trying to regroup and figure stuff out but she is being so hard on herself for not pushing herself harder. We realize that she has to give herself permission to have an off day from time to time.

Until she gets to that point in time we live our life encouraging her (and Christian too). We just keep telling her it’s ok and we love her. It’s hard to watch her tear herself down when no amount of telling her it’s ok is going to help until she realizes and agrees that it really IS ok.

And then today happened. Emelie went to school, again. She came home again, at the end of the day. She survived. She loved it. She’s still unsure about her math teacher but overall, she was upbeat and positive about her day. She pushed herself and managed to work through it all, with minimal help.

She was only in her resource room as she was scheduled to be. She went to school EXTRA early today. She was bound and determined to make today a great day. She succeeded and then blew my mind. This girl came home. She decompressed by taking a bath. After that, without prompting, she did her homework. And is still in a great mood, albeit in her jammies well before bedtime but hey, I won’t judge. If I could live in my jammies, I would.

Life with Autism and sensory issues and anxiety… never a dull moment.




2 thoughts on “Emelie’s Struggle and a Mulligan

  1. I loved reading this and your Em is an older version of my MJ. We aren’t even close to the liking school stage yet, she’s day 2 of kindergarten so the changes are bigger, but this gives me hope that one day my MJ will come home upbeat and positive about her day. Yesterday she exploded and bit and kicked me, today she was just ridiculously controlling and ready to burst with a few tears. I’m taking it as a positive sign and remembering it’s all about baby steps.

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