Kindness Goes A LONG Way

Kindness goes a long way.

Sometimes we all need to learn to listen more though and speak less. So often I find my words for the blog by listening to my friends and family and realizing, a topic I haven’t addressed fully. Afterwards I sit down and think how that situation has affected us and write my raw emotions into the blogs. While thinking this through though, I realized why I am so in tune with Emelie and Christian and my autism mommies in my support groups. I am the listener.

I am the one who says nothing until they have exhausted all the circles of frustration and anger. I try to not pass judgment. I allow for them to have their own views on things, even if my opinion differs from theirs, without a cry of foul. If they need advice, I’ll give it. If they don’t, I won’t. Yet, my reason for being this way stems from wanting everyone to have an outlet they feel safe with.

In our community, there is a fair share of infighting that can lead to drama that detracts from our kids and mission to do what is best for them. Not everyone is going to agree all the time. I recently got into a disagreement (out of frustration) with another mom. I took a time out instead of letting is escalate and when we both had regroup we were able to discuss and it and understood where the other person was coming from.

Unfortunately, we all get caught up in the passion we have for certain stances on topics we deem important. Myself included. I just hate drama and have found a way to best combat it. I only fight for what I have to, when I have to. If the stance doesn’t affect Emelie or myself directly and I can see both sides of an issues, I just keep those thoughts to myself.

This isn’t a look at me, look at me, post. This is a, “hey, you, think about this for a few minutes” post. How often are we willing to tear apart people because we disagree with things they say or do? I think because of how polarized society is, it happens a lot. The immediate lists that come to my mind that I’ve heard in various forums range from being cautious about individuals into someone crying witch hunt, pro-vaccine to anti-vaccine, first person language, ABA Therapy, Gluten and Casein free diets, Autism Speaks and cause/cure for autism. Those are just the ones I can remember.

We as a community need to learn that there is room for healthy discussions. We have to learn to look and see both sides of an issue and know that even if we can see their side it’s ok to still disagree with someone. I love a lot of my friends that don’t agree with me on my political views. It’s the same principal. They don’t walk in my shoes to understand WHY I stand on an issue where I do any more than I do yours.

That doesn’t mean I can’t understand how it can come across. We are out here protecting our children. Protecting our families. Trying so very hard to balance our lives and what is going to best help our children become the most they can become.

We need to all take a deep breath. Step away from the situation for a minute and decompress that urge to bite back with a retort. Try and see it from the other person’s perspective and if you NEED to respond, respond with a kind tone. Please put the accusatory language aside and try to understand that other person’s journey is different than yours. That’s what leads them to do and respond the way they do.

Kindness goes a long way. Remember if the shoe was on the other foot… would you like to be treated or talked to the way you are about to do to someone else.

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One thought on “Kindness Goes A LONG Way

  1. I completely understand, I was/sort of am, a moderator for one of the largest online autism support groups, I had to step away because of the drama, needless, disheartening’ and not at all encouraging. Granted, it was the from the few, not the many, but it was difficult. It was frustrating for those who have been traveling this road for a long time and confusing for those just beginning.

    I am a listener as well, but I am also an advocate and a teacher, the two do not always go hand in hand. We are all in some way or another on this journey together, we can learn so much from each other if we do more listening and less reacting.

    Hopefully your words will touch the heart of those who need to hear them :o)

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