Ok. So I admit it. There are days I want to hide away from the world. I’m just mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically drained and sleep deprived due to all this exhaustion making the wheels turn in my head. Maybe, just maybe, suck is the wrong word to use… it’s more like a slow pull on the resources I have available. Like a battery draining when you use an object that it powers. The more you flick it on and off the quicker it drains.
That’s kind of how it is for anyone. Some people can go weeks without needing that “down” time. Then there is me. I need it daily. I work in a bank and between the different personalities that come in and having to keep up “appearances” for a look of “professionalism” it can make some days harder and longer than others.
I’m actually grateful for the 30 minute drive ALONE to get my husband. It’s a peaceful respite. Sometimes I use that time to connect with someone I need to talk to or haven’t talked to in awhile. Sometimes I use that time to pray. Other times still, I reflect on the day or what the future may (or may not) hold. That’s my down time.
I’m grateful for the 30 minute drive home with Matt to connect without a million interruptions. It’s nice to have that time to unwind about our days without worrying about the kids needing your attention. That 1 hour is the most time I get to recharge before coming into my house. There is drama everywhere.
I have a middle school preteen (almost teen) girl. Add to the fact with her Autism, Anxiety, Sensory Issues, and ADHD proves to be an unnerving event sometimes. There are times I think we are seeing the light of how she may be in adult life and then other times it flips and I hope we aren’t seeing how she will be as adult.
I have a teen son. He’s a teenager. He’s growing up so fast and sometimes I just want to embrace him and tell him he can’t get past this age. I worry about his future for him and just have to sit back and watch him. Let him make mistakes and learn from them, shaking my head sometimes.
That’s just me. I can’t imagine how much energy people sap from her. She’s surrounded by 20 kids almost at all times throughout the day. With some minor exceptions for brief periods of time it’s a constant on/off switch with coping and dealing with everything as it’s tossed at you. The lunchroom and field full of kids running and screaming and talking. With the hum from the lights, the slamming of lockers, footsteps in the hall all adding to that energy sapping Hoover that is running over her day in and day out, it’s no wonder why when she comes home she is drained and not wanting any further people interaction.
Sometimes, people just suck the energy right out of you and you have nothing more to give. Yet, it’s expected of you. So you struggle to muddle through. Right now, Em can’t do that. She wants to. We just aren’t there yet. And you know what, I understand. I don’t know that I’m there yet and I’ve got a few years on her. Maybe we’ll both find that trick to becoming a slow draining battery that lasts a lot longer than we do. In the meantime, we’ll just unplug and recharge as often as we can.