I am by nature fun loving, easy going with a touch of high strung at times, and I avoid conflict at all costs if at all possible. Conflict in itself, gives me anxiety. I truly struggle to confront situations that I need to.
I’m the person you meet and by all appearances, think she’s confident, articulate, and empowered. I carry myself in that manner. Been called a Rocking Mom (or Supermom) several times. However, if push comes to shove, I cave. I’m not confident in who I am or what I am capable of. I sometimes become so cripplingly inarticulate that I shut down. When I allow those things to happen, empowered is no where near my personage. Unless, you push my temper too far, or put my family at risk, then I’m an atom bomb. It doesn’t happen often.
Yet, when it comes to my children, Christian and Emelie have yet to find me back down from a fight. They know I have their backs, and when they are wrong, they hear it. Being a mom is never easy. Being a good mom is not just not easy but a balancing act. Being a “Supermom” is being able to love your kids enough to enact “tough” love, to teach them respect and empower them, teach self discipline and fight for them against all odds.
Reconciling my two natures, not easy. Being honest about who I am is hard enough because that means I’m taking that mask or facade down and saying… I’m scared to be me. I show you who I WANT to be. I need to figure out how to be that person. Also, knowing that I am a THAT Momma deep down and letting her out scares me to death. Yet, I do it all the time in my own home.
I am deep down, who I want to be. I have to trust myself to allow that confidence to carry over and maintain that empowerment. I know how to convey a message. I also know how to make my point and get it across tactfully the first time. It’s when it’s ignored that I need to allow Super Mom to step into her God given role. Raising our children to be productive members of society with adherance to cause and effect relationships. Including consequenses. That “tough” love has to carry over to include those that deal with our children.
I was talking with my friend Karen, bemoaning this aggressive side of me. How it feels so “off”. She summed it with a good analogy. We are all a three sided coin: Top, Bottom and the Edge. Which side someone wishes to experience depends on how they treat us. Gives new meaning to being edgy.
Suddenly, I’m ok with my two natures. I am trying to balance on that edge, but it’s ok to be both sides of me. As long as I remember to also be honest with myself as to who I am, and what I am capable of. Becoming that Da Dada DA SUPERMOM is easy because it’s in my nature. Letting her out, that’s where I need to let go of the guilt. Recognizing, I was balancing her, and was tipped on my side and this is the side chosen.
I know that a lot of mom and dads out there that struggle with empowering themselves to be Super Parents. In actuality we aren’t Super Parents. We are parents of Super Kids. That’s it plain and simple. We are Super Parents because that’s who our kids need us to be. Sometimes we go overboard and need to learn to step back. We need to learn that they have to fall. We have to be there to help them when they do.
Feels kind of good too. To know that I’m not alone, it’s not ok ~ but I know it will be, someday. And my children will never be able to say, you gave up on us. Neither will all those other Super Parents out there. Cause we aren’t that unique. Really! Ask ANY parent who does what they need to do when they need to do it.